Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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