'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
