just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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