when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
