I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
