I hate all girls vehemently.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
