just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
