if i can run in heels then i can drive
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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