Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
