i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
