So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
