so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
