I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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