in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
