I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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