Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
