well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
