guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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