I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
