Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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