First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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