did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
smell my finger.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
