We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
