Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
