a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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