I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
