mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
