he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
