its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
