tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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