youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Still dying that you shit outside
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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