Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
