okay pat passed out under dana's car
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
