He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
