THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
