My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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