It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
