What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
