If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
