Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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