i would punch a child for taco bell
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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