I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
