u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
