i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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