Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
