i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
