Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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