Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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