so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
