if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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