im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
